WASHINGTON – Today House Speaker John Boehner took a break from figuring out how to sue President Obama in order to come up with new reasons to impeach him.
“We are working, not on the economic problems, the immigration problems, or any other problems,” said Boehner, “but instead to focus all of our energy on how to impeach Obama. I wanted to push the envelope a little, so I suggested that we sue him. But make no mistake, we have been working hard to find a good reason to impeach the President all along.”
Members of the GOP admitted that impeaching Obama for the IRS scandal, Bowe Bergdahl, the border crisis, and Benghazi are ideas that getting a tad overused. Instead, new reasons are being considered.
“At the top of list are bad smart phone reception, vaccinations, gluten, flight delays, and selfies,” said Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY). “We are also looking into whether or not we can impeach him because he’s black. That was my idea, by the way.”
“He’s doing his job,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), “and it seems that he’s doing it well. We can’t have that in a president. If we take over the Senate, we will oust him with every lamebrained, easy-to- disprove reason we can come up with.”
In other news, many towns don’t want shelters for immigrant kids, because they haven’t quite figured out the whole “they’re just children” thing…