Barney Dead at 85,000,000

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Everybody’s favorite lovable purple dinosaur passed away this weekend after committing suicide in his Santa Monica loft. Details are sketchy at this time, but it has been learned that Barney had gradually grown more and more depressed in the last five months.

“That happy go-lucky attitude was a front,” confides Stuart Longly, Barney’s therapist for six years. “I think the pressure of having to be full of glee twenty-four hours a day took its toll, as it would on any purple dinosaur.”

Barney started life as a carnivorous T-Rex in the Mesozoic Period, until he caught the show business bug in the ‘70’s, featured in such shows as Land of the Lost and movies such as Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.

But early in 1983, he was influenced by New Age teachings under the instruction of Supu Copra (not to be confused with Topak Coba, Suprak Toba, or Deepak Chopra). “It changed my life,” Barney confessed earlier in a 1990 People interview. “I no longer felt the need to consume meat, go on rampages, or even roar. What I wanted to do from then on was make children happy, and sing!”

He was gradually picked up by PBS and gained a huge following by children all over the world for his television show. “Things were just too good to be true, and then the realizations kicked in,” Longly explains. “After all, most of his friends were now oil.”

The funeral services for Barney will be held at the LaBrea Tar Pits next Wednesday.

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By clavius42

One comment on “Barney Dead at 85,000,000

  1. OK, it took me awhile to resolve my dismay at Barney’s demise, but after accepting that premise, I now totally appreciate the poignance of realizing one’s friends have all become oil and gasoline, even if they are fueling Mercedes.

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