WASILLA – Over the weekend former Alaska governor, 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee and celebrity in her own mind Sarah Palin launched for her own online channel, called The Sarah Palin Channel.
“It’s my channel, but it’s for you, funded by you,” says the online announcement. “It’s like Oprah, but without all that pesky reality!”
Palin says, “It’s content that I believe that every God-fearing, Christian, Anglo-Saxon white person of Caucasian descent should watch, to get all the facts that the lamestream media and big government doesn’t want you to know! No ‘hopey-changey’ here, folks! If you want change or even hope, look elsewhere!”
Many journalists have previewed the new channel, saying that it’s a great showcase for content no one wants. “There hasn’t been this mass of useless material in one channel since Fox News,” said one journalist, “Sarah should be very proud.”
Palin also promises interaction with subscribers. “You ask me your questions, and I promise I’ll get someone in my staff to look up the answers!”
Preview shows for The Sarah Palin Channel include The Sarah Palin History Page, an in-depth depiction of events that shaped the world, “and why that’s become a problem.”
“History has taught us,” said Palin, “and that’s why it should be stopped.”
Also previewed are the webisodes “Sarah Palin’s Me! A Celebration of Me!”, “Sarah Palin’s Deep Thoughts with Todd”, “Sarah Palin’s Wasilla Weekend”, “Sarah Palin’s Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi!” and “Sarah Palin’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Facts Shoot Down”.
“You get everything your dysfunctional family needs, all in one hapless cable channel,” says Palin. “All at the click of a button! So click my button and see me roar!”
Sarah Palin also has plans for a cable channel network and a run for the presidency, sometime during the sightings of pigs in flight and the sudden climate change in Hell.