McCain: “Today’s Problems Can Wait! We Have To Think About 2016!”

WASHINGTON – Today Senator and current Conservative gasbag John McCain rallied his party to put aside concerns about the economy, gun control, and immigration, and “think about what’s really important to the American people – the 2016 presidential election”.

“It is very clear that there was a cover-up regarding Benghazi, and I call for a select committee to investigate until Hillary Clinton decides not to run for President in 2016!  Today’s problems can take care of theirselves – I mean, it’s not like we have been doing anything about them anyway!”

House Speaker John Boehner and Sen. Lindsey Graham are spreading the word to their colleagues.  ”Any minute now, in the last month or so, or even next month, possibly sometime in the summer, we will have irrefutable, damning evidence about what really happened in Benghazi.  It will be bigger than all of the world wars combined, and the possible impending apocalypse should Hillary be elected,” said Graham.

Fox News host Sean Hannity has reported that a political bombshell will be going off soon, and an impeachment will be the result.  ”Something has to!  People have lost their faith in the Republican Party, which could be catastrophic to the careers of many politicians, and most importantly, to the careers of people who work for Fox News.”

In related news, the GOP wants to redefine the definition of “people”, if it doesn’t apply to politicians, bankers, oil companies, and the NRA…

Deep Dark Hole

“You’re not alone”.

When you’re suffering from depression, it’s not much of a comfort, those words.  Because when you’re in that kind of pain, you feel that you are alone.  But that’s just what you tell yourself.  Because when all is said and done, it just isn’t true.

See those celebrities on the covers of those magazines in the check-out line?  Most of the time their happiness is an illusion.  To quote REM, “everybody hurts, sometimes”.

Maybe you ask yourself, “if they can succeed even with depression, why can’t I?”  The simple answer is, everyone is different, and unfortunately, every depression is, too.  Just remember that in most cases it’s something that  happens to you - you didn’t create it.

But you can fight it.  And that takes courage.  To most it’s a silent, invisible battle, because it all happens in your head.  But it is a battle, make no mistake.  And there are casualties.  Just remember, the world is a better place with you in it.  Don’t give in - fight back.

You will win.  And most likely, you will have to fight again.  And again.
But there is help.  And there are people who care about you who are willing to help.  But it can’t be their decision or even their wish – it has to be yours.

People who suffer from and battle depression most of their lives are some of the bravest people you will ever meet.

You’re not alone.

THIS JUST IN!

Mark Sanford wins congressional election.  ”I will treat South Carolina like my mistress – um, wife!”

The Great Gatsby director Baz Luhrmann accused of substance abuse, in that he took a novel of substance and abused it.

CNN and Carnival neck in neck for most disasters.

Fox News promises damning Benghazi evidence against Obama as soon as they make it up.

GOP says that as far as the next presidential race goes, Ted Cruz is the best Canadian for the job.

Gun control debate continues as Congress reconvenes to resume ignoring it.

To Glass or Not to Glass?

Google is coming out with a wearable computer with a head-mounted display which displays information in a smartphone-like hands-free format.  It can interact with the Internet via natural language voice commands.  They call it Google Glass.

I call it a mistake.

People have been known to wreck their cars, hit other people, even kill them (and in some cases, theirselves) because they were busy texting their friends.  I have seen someone literally run into a wall because they were having a conversation on their cell phone.

I have seen teenagers sitting across from each other, never making eye-contact, texting people on their smartphones.  They may have been also texting each other.  I drove past “surprised” a long time ago.

We live in a world where people are more and more oblivious to the world around them.  Wearing glasses that make people even more oblivious probably isn’t a step in the best direction.

Actual human contact is healthy, and needless to say, crucial.  Maybe companies should put their money and time into items that would promote physical interaction and encourage actual conversations.

Maybe someone should do something before we become the U.S.of ADHD.

Mission Accomplished

You all know the history.  You’ve heard the quotes.  And sadly a good portion of you watch a news channel that at one time was completely devoted to him.

And now he has a library.

A man who was elected President of the United States due to a recount, who waged war on a country and people who had absolutely nothing to do with 9/11, and even plunged us into a national debt that we are still recovering from.

I am constantly amazed by the shortness of memory many people exhibit when it comes to those who who have done truly horrific things.  Or maybe they don’t want to remember, want to shove it into a closet with other things they forgot or chose to forget.

But I remember. I remember when the war on Iraq was announced.  When Bush stood on that aircraft carrier and said the battle had been won.  The many years that followed after he had made that statement.  I remember the constant lies by the administration, and people who were ostracized for disputing them.  I guess I remember things differently.

Because even though there have been many pundits and television show hosts and panels and articles written about what Bush accomplished, I remember it this way because that’s how it really was.

We live in a world where people who have hurt America and alienated us from the rest of the world are given accolades.  They lie, and they claim that what they did was just, and no one can touch them.

I hope that these words I have written will dust off the cobwebs of your memory, and you will remember the past as it truly was.

Then unlike what Bush had promised on that aircraft carrier, my mission will truly be accomplished.

George W. Bush Library Opens This Week, Will Feature More Than One Book

DALLAS – Thursday will mark the grand opening of the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum.

“It is a tribute to my presidency,” said Bush.  ”But it is also a tribute to past presidents who, unlike me, actually did their job.”

According to special guests who attended a preview early this week, when you first walk in, a banner that says “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!” is draped over the entrance to the library, and George W. Bush’s recorded voice  greets you with “look what I did, Daddy!”

Special note: In accordance with the Second Amendment, there is no metal detector at the entrance.

The new library will feature such kid-friendly exclusives as the Dick Cheney Puppet Theater and the My Pet Goat Storytime Room.  The staff says that future learning presentations will include such videos as “Is Our Children Educated?” and “You Go to School With the Books You Have”.

There is a detailed alphabetical section about every conflict Bush was involved in during his presidency, though some claim that the letters W, M, and D cannot be found anywhere in the Iraq section.

One controversial feature of the museum section is the “What If Al Gore Was Elected Instead?” exhibit, which features a detailed listing of how the country would have been different if Gore had won in 2000.  ”It’s a numerical list, and it constantly changes,” said the curator.  ”It might even require a recount when all is said and done.”

America Seriously Considering Disowning Congress

Today the Senate voted down the bipartisan Manchin-Toomey amendment, a background check expansion that would strengthen gun control measures.  This is yet another in an increasing number of delayed decisions and dismissals of important legislation.

President Barack Obama was reported to have “thrown up his hands in disgust”.

A majority of Americans have now said that they are considering a proposal of their own – to disown Congress.

“I don’t want to have anything to do with them anymore,” said one angry citizen.  ”They have done, oh, nothing for so long, it’s become expected. I put more stock in my foot odor pads than these so-called ‘lawmakers’.  At least with my pads, I know I will get results,” said one angry citizen.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said that they were very proud of the rejection of the amendment.

“If this decision shows anything, it is that the importance of our careers far outweighs that of the well being of our nation,” said Reid.  ”If the American people persist to expect common sense and even a governing body which gets things done about important issues affecting them, then I would have to say they really don’t understand how Congress works.”

“We are planning another month-long break starting next week to recover,” added McConnell.  ”But there are plans to pass something at least sometime before the end of the year.  We’re pacing ourselves.”

According to a recent study, the approval rate for Congress could possibly be the first in the history of the United States to drop into negative numbers.

In related news, NRA Executive VP Wayne LaPierre said he was very excited about the decision.  ”The GOP in particular is worth every penny we paid for them,” said LaPierre.